Parents of MS Adult Children

By re1ndeer Latest Activity February 9, 2011 at 7:14 pm Views 2,916 Replies 8 Likes 3

re1ndeer

Hi, I'm new to the site.

My two sons were diagnosed with MS. MS is not in our family background so I'm perplexed how they came to be infected.

My Oldest son was diagnosed in 2001, He seemed to have walking problems.
He is currently on a drug called rebif.
He is married and he has a son (my grandson). Now I wonder will my grandson become infected too?

My middle child (son) was diagnosed with MS while he was in the milatary, back in 1998. He lost vision in one eye, and was discharged from the Air Force, on medical.
He's currently on copaxone.
He is single, but, has a live in girlfriend.

There are times when one or the other becomes ill, and me as their mother don't know what to do for them.
So, maybe by coming to this site, I will have a greater understand as to what they are going through.

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Replies (8 replies)

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  • Wolfcries
    Wolfcries November 23 at 5:44 pm   

    I would live to stay in touch. I am a parent with my 28 yesr old daughter just diagnosed and my 35 year old son diagnosied 5 years ago at the age of 31.

  • Dr Gary
    Dr GaryCA March 21, 2011 at 4:57 pm   

    Hi!

    I haven't heard from you in awhile. How are you doing?

    Gary

  • re1ndeer
    re1ndeer March 21, 2011 at 10:14 pm   

    I'm doing o.k. Thanks for asking.

  • Dr Gary
    Dr GaryCA February 14, 2011 at 4:20 pm   

    Hi!

    I am not a physician, but I counsel individuals who are facing chronic illness and their family members. I have worked with MS patients, and am familiar with the standard treatments and the issues they are facing.

    I jjust wanted to take the opportunity to tell you that I am glad to make your cyber-acquaintance and to offer any support that I possibly can. Having both of your sons receive the diagnosis of a chronic condition can be emotionally devastating for parents. One of the biggest challenges that I have found that family members face is helplessness, wanting to jump in and make everything better, but knowing that they can't. Learning how to be supportive from the sidelines, ready jump in but allowing the patient to maintain their own control, takes time.

    I suspect that you and your sons have found a common ground over the years, and that you also have a lot of wisdom to share. But when they are not feeling well, I know it must be very hard for you as their mother.

    I am glad you are here, among people who have support, wisdom, and their own experiences to share. So welcome!

    If I can offer you any support, please let me know!

    Gary

  • re1ndeer
    re1ndeer February 14, 2011 at 7:05 pm   

    Thank you Dr Gary. My sons and both my husband I have had a few bouts of wanting to help. They try and hide their problems from me, as they know I have been quite ill myself these past few years. They don't want to upset me. My biggest problem is that they won't discuss with me their mother, but they will go to dad.

  • Dr Gary
    Dr GaryCA February 15, 2011 at 10:12 pm   

    Hi, nice to hear from you. You're right, your sons are probably afraid to upset you, to cause you worry when they know that you are already very worried, and dealing with your own challenges. If you haven't already, you might want to gently remind them that you love them and want to be involved in their lives, and suppot them, and that you can hear the good stuff and the not so good stuff. But I am glad that they are confiding in thier father. At least they are reaching out. I know this must be very hard for you, I can't imagine what it must be like for you. My thoughts are with you!

  • re1ndeer
    re1ndeer February 15, 2011 at 11:07 pm   

    Thank you, Dr Gary, yes, this is hard for me. Their father does tell me, a long time after something has happened to them. And I will say "why didn't you tell me" and my husband will say 'CuZ Tom doesn't or did not want you to know". Then when I approach my son, he just rolls his eyes, and says, "see I knew dad should not of told you."
    And that is as far as I get.

  • Dr Gary
    Dr GaryCA February 21, 2011 at 9:59 pm   

    I think this is a "guy thing" going on here. They don't want you to worry, of course. But it sounds like they are using their father as a sounding board, at least. I know it is frustrating when you feel left out of the conversations, that is understandable. I am sure they appreciate that you are a caring, loving mother. But they may be hoping that they can avoid any emotional reactions to what's going on by keeping it factual, and keeping it between the guys, and avoid their own emotional reactions as well. But at least they are talking and, again, I am sure they know that you are concerned. In the meantime, I hope that you have friends or family members who can offer you a supportive, listening ear. Stay in touch with us, anyway! And hang in there.